Followers

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I'm A Journal Junkie


I am trying to remember exactly when I began to keep a journal & I feel like I was practically born journaling! I still have a few fat little diaries that locked shut with the tiniest golden key. I was probably about 8 or 9 & I loved them so much, filling them up, even writing around the edges of pages to fit all my thoughts & wonderings onto paper.

Later I moved on to large spirals & I still have a stack of those somewhere in my garage. Oh the drama! I like him, but he likes her & she likes some other him. There are even some mentions of the skinny long haired blond guy that became my hubby many years later!

After High School there is a bit of a gap as working, dating & marriage consumed me & then a true "Blank Book" journal was purchased the day after I found out that I was pregnant with our first son. I wrote letters to him telling him how happy we were to finaly know that he was coming to us. (It took us 4 years to get pregnant.) That same journal became his baby book in many ways because I continued it into his infancy & up till Pre-school.

The habit was strong & I have always had a journal going ever since then, 26 years of "real" journals are stacked in my closet. One for each of the boys & my own personal ones. The picture above is a small portion of my collection. Those are the early ones which were very floral-ish compared to the more beautiful ones I use now.

Just inside the front cover of my childhood diary are some rules that I created for myself. (First born!) Mainly the rules were about writing every single day or else! Not sure what "or else!" meant but I was being very firm with myself! Ha!

Now I have one true rule: There are no rules! I write whenever, about whatever I want! That freed me up & made it such a pleasure to express myself in a safe place. Someimes I actually feel like an event did not really finish happening to me until I have written about it! Is that weird? Do any of you feel that way?

Now I am beginning to wonder if they should be left for my family after I die or should I think about destroying them. There is some pretty hard & harsh things in there, but it's all true. And sometimes when I look over them I am pleased with the way they show my whole life & the thoughts & questions I had as I lived it. There are a lot of prayers in there too & it's pretty cool to see the answers as the pages go by. Not that I am planning on leaving anytime soon though!

Now blogging seems to be replacing my journal entries & that concerns me. After all, these blog posts are not as permanent as a leather book full of ink. But I still carry my current journal with me every day & it is still my favorite place of collecting thoughts, questions & rants. I am completely honest in there & it can reveal my selfishness & jealousies pretty clearly. Which makes me often wish that it still came with a tiny golden key!

8 comments:

  1. I too, can not decide whether my journals should be read or burnt. So intimate and for me poorly communicated. I'm not sure my ramblings would help or make sense to anyone else. But for me, OH TO GET WORDS OUT OF MY BRAIN!!!!! That's cool that you did the ones for your sons.

    ReplyDelete
  2. this is amazing! maybe u can make a book out of those journals =D or share some here... i wonder what an 8 year old has in her journal.

    see you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have a stack of journals too...I just never wrote in them!! I'm a collector for some reason! How bizarre is THAT!? :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I used to journal too. I don't even know where they are. That may be a bad thing. LOL!

    Do you plan on giving your journals you made for your sons to them? What a beautiful gift.

    Hey, maybe you can do a selection of different dates throughout your life and make "The Brenda Diaries"!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Grey L S - So true! "Get the words out of my brain!" Ha!

    Meili - An 8 yr olds diary? "We had company tonight, it was boring!"

    Simplicity - You collect empty journals? Maybe sell them on ebay! make some $.

    Jodi - Yes, I will give them to my sons. Funny how the first born has much more detail than the 2nd born, sad, but true.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Brenda, my INTENTION was always to write in them! And they all look so pretty. I moved recently and realized I have a stack of beautiful blank journals. So, I might sell them or make an effort to write in them. I'm more of a typer and less of a writer! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Honey, I feel you. It's why I have a blog that's mostly dedicated to the search for the perfect journal. (And the meaning of life)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hello. And Bye.

    ReplyDelete

Hi Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment even if it has nothing to do with the specific blog, it's great to know that you are writing stuff that real live people actually read, ya know?
Brenda