Today has been so warm & sunny & summer-like that it almost tempts me to want to skip over Spring & jump right into Summer! Just like those lovely ladies above. Can't you practically hear them singing, "Tra-la-la-la-la!"? (Spell check hates when I get creative with words like that!)
While walking in the sun a bit this afternoon I was thinking about my last post on figuring out who we really are. I know many believers who say that they know God sees them as bold, or they have heard God tell them that they are strong...but they do not feel it or see it at all! They get frustrated with the huge clash or difference between who God says they are & who they see in the mirror.
I totally understand this place. If you have been reading me a while you know that my history is full of fear. I was living in a self constructed & safe cocoon for many years. It worked for me. Until God began to whisper very foreign thoughts to me. Always in short little phrases that I knew did not come from me because they were totally opposite to my thinking.
"You are my worshiping warrior."
"Wisdom & strength are yours."
"You are My oracle of truth & emissary of peace."
WHAT? I felt like looking behind me to see who He was really talking to. Didn't He see me hiding so cleverly that no one even asked me to do anything big any more? I had crafted a covering that only revealed a shy, quiet & worried lady. BUT He kept telling me what HE saw (& He is still telling me what & who He sees) when He looks at me. The cocoon had to go. It could no longer hold the butterfly that needed to escape because she no longer fit.
The first steps out of the cocoon have been scary. Sometimes I have felt like I was FAKING or pretending to be the strong, wise & peaceful woman He described. Seriously! I often take a deep breath before entering a roomful of people or meeting with a student. Even walking up to someone after church to chat takes courage for me. Am I pretending when I go ahead & do the thing that scares me? Am I being fake when I raise my hands in worship in front of a roomful of students? It almost feels like it sometimes, but it is not pretending......it is PRACTICING! (Thanks Graham Cooke, our Guest Teacher today!)
We can embrace the big, beautiful words that God uses to describe us....put them on & walk around in them a bit to see how it feels. Does it seem strange & unreal? That's okay because you are figuring out how to walk in those new high heels, it takes time to feel comfortable in them & natural. You are practicing. But they were made for you & the positive words that God uses to describe you are more real than the small, insignificant picture you have of yourself.
I am still practicing being a butterfly who flies rather than a butterfly who walks all the time. (I know I am mixing metaphors like crazy here, forgive me.) But there is coming a time when the flying will be more comfortable than the walking or hiding. The view that my God has of me is beginning to feel real & even though I do not see it all the time, I am confident that His picture of me is more TRUTHFUL than mine.