Yesterday morning during our first hour of school, our normal worship leader guy did not show up with his guitar and gear. Hubs and I were not really up to leading it acapella or choosing another worshipful activity, so we lead all the students over to our church sanctuary. It is a lovely place to spread out and get alone with God at the beginning of a day. The lights were low and the music (cd's through the sound system) was a mix of contemplative and some rowdy fun stuff at the end.
I found a comfy spot on the floor with my journal and leaned back against a wall and enjoyed watching our students worship God in their own unique ways. David was pacing around the large auditorium, smiling and chatting with his unseen Best Friend, Zulay was standing in front of the center altar area with her graceful hands up and swaying with the music. Nicki was sitting in a chair drawing a picture. Benny was kneeling in the middle of the floor with his head touching the floor in prayer. Hubs was in the sound booth choosing the music and reading his Bible. Jennifer was literally skipping around the sanctuary with abandon joy like a little girl rather than a forty something!
I have truly loved this job of leading these hungry ones into new and exciting relationships with God. Expanding their concept of Him, moving them from a SCARY view to a JOYFUL one. I sat there in that room full of love and wondered why in the world my good, good friend..... my God, would want to move me out of this perfect job!
So, again I asked Him that question. There was no lightening or fireworks as He gently gave me my answer....but He showed me a picture. He let me know that I was once again being broken out of a safe cocoon so that I could fly higher and experience much more than I imagined.
This was a surprise to me because I thought we had already DONE this bit. Way back in August 2008 my very first post as I began this blog was about breaking out of my cocoon of fear. In fact that is why I began this blog, it was to take you along with me on my journey into more and more freedom outside the cocoon.
Apparently I was again in a wonderfully comfy " myschool -shaped cocoon". After 10 years in our ministry school, we had it down pretty well, it has been a safe place and I thought that was the GOOD thing about it! Yah, it is supposed to be a safe place for the incoming students but safe can be a dangerous thing for a leader. We should always be challenged and reaching for more.
So my friends, here I am trying to stand up again a little taller as I push aside the remnants of my school-shaped cocoon. While at the same time, I am desperately wanting to gather those pieces around me again because I love them and I KNOW what it looks like. I have no idea what awaits me outside the limited space of that cocoon. I am not a fan of the unknown or adventure. I'm a planner.
But I have never seen a butterfly climb back into her cocoon. The truth is that once her wings have escaped the small space and spread out, she just would not, could not, FIT back into the crusty cocoon. Tomorrow is our last day of school. This butterfly is carrying a lot of Kleenex with her as she says good-bye to the past and tries really hard to turn around and smile at the unknown future.
The unknown possibilities are endless!