Friday, May 22, 2009

No Saint Brenda

My last post was about saying good-bye to the graduates from our small ministry school. I was not lying when I shared my heart, but after reading the very gracious comments exhalting my virtue, I must reveal the OTHER side of Brenda Susan, ha! Ah yes, there are 2 sides to every story, am I right? Yes, I am.

I failed to mention the times I would see a "certain' student approaching & quickly duck into the nearest bathroom to escape them. There were also the moments when I would be "listening" to one of them & my face said that I was earnestly taking in all they (went on & on about) were sharing with me, but actually I was trying to figure out what I needed to do when I got home that night.

There are often 1 or 2 people who come to us that absolutely bug me! I can't always figure out why either! Very annoying! It may be just that our personalities clash, but I prefer to tell myself that they are just idiots! (Oh dear, the saint is slipping!) The problem is that our school is very small at this time. Our largest class so far was 40 students & it is usually smaller than that. So when there is an irritating person in a group that small, you know it, & he or she affects the whole school, darn it! Of course I know that there is always a reason for the way they are, & the reason is most likely a sad & painful one. But still! I have heard some call them our "grace growers". Cute name, but not fun!

A while ago we had a student who had no social skills. I mean he did not pick up on normal social cues that we all give each other without realizing it. For instance, when you have been standing in a hall or store chatting spontaneously with someone, there is a point when one of you knows it is time to end the conversation, right? So you kind of change position a bit or look at your watch or say something like, "Well, it's been nice catching up with you!". Normal people would immediately catch that cue & agree to end the chat. Not our guy! He almost followed me into the women's room once because I literally walked away while he was still talking after I had done all the normal things to let someone know that the chat is over. He followed me down a hallway even as I was saying that I needed to go now.

There are some days at school when I have had enough of people in general. I tell my hubs to protect others by keeping them away from me for the day! I used to get really bad headaches & those days were torture to be surrounded by noisy people all day. I no longer get the headaches so I can't blame my anti-social days on that anymore. Not my time of the month either, that no longer exists for me. Woo-hoo! So there go my excuses.

And then there are the new students who I am intimidated by. Wow, I'm getting REAL here friends. Intimidation is a horrible thing! First impressions can put me in a negative place about someone through no fault of theirs at all. They are too pretty or too skinny or they wear the kind of clothing I would love to afford. Or their HAIR! Oh man, I get so jealous of perfect hair women! I mean how awful is that? To dislike someone due to their having good hygiene or just good genes? Ha! Intimidation will rob you of some beautiful relationships. I am getting better at recognizing the silliness of the first impression. After 9 years of doing this school I have also come to realize my own authority & strength enough to not allow intimidation to steal some important relationships from me.

At the end of a school year I have students who grab me with a big hug & call me their second mom, when all year long I was feeling bugged at them! NOT a great feeling. But I suppose that even real moms get impatient with their own kids at times, right? Just nod & say, "Yes, Brenda, you are perfectly justified to have these negative thoughts about someone who came to you for guidance." Whatever! Okay, now I have revealed the truth behind my sainthood. I am an ordinary woman doing an ordinary job that I love a lot. Few people can say that they really love the job they do every day so I guess that does make me a little bit extraordinary!


  1. i still think you are wonderful because i see the wonder and beauty of the truly authentic- as for perfect hair women- ppffttt- they are messy haired women trapped in the wrong body !

  2. Brenda...This is a wonderfully honest assessment of your endearing humanity! If more of us would own up to being human...irritated by others and noise, intimidated by those who we perceive to be "better" than us, etc...the world would be a much nicer place! You do a great service in being an honest, role-model and teacher to our future generation! Bless you! Lisa

  3. I'm with YOU in that I LOVE my job. I look forward to going to work every single day.

    And I'm glad you are human- like the rest of us!!!


  4. Not a single thing you said makes me think you are any less a candidate for sainthood. I can see the glow of your halo from here!


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