I saw a project over on Missy's blog called It's Almost Naptime, that is calling on some of us older women to give a bit of our wisdom to the young moms around us on the web. I could not resist, especially considering this whiny post I put up recently. So the following is a letter to my former self, maybe I can spare her some agony!
Dear Young & Beautiful & Toned Mommy,
Don't you shake your head at that greeting young lady, believe me you are looking GOOD! I am speaking to you from the future & I have seen some stuff you would not believe. But I won't mess you up by telling you that we don't need to be home to answer the phone & we can carry thousands of pictures of the baby around with us without even changing the size of our purse!
The real big thing that I want to tell you is this......
Dear Young & Beautiful & Toned Mommy,
Don't you shake your head at that greeting young lady, believe me you are looking GOOD! I am speaking to you from the future & I have seen some stuff you would not believe. But I won't mess you up by telling you that we don't need to be home to answer the phone & we can carry thousands of pictures of the baby around with us without even changing the size of our purse!
The real big thing that I want to tell you is this......
R E L A X !
Most things that you lie awake at night worrying about WILL NOT HAPPEN! So why waste all that energy & time that could have been spent doing something much better like sleeping or....whatever! You are loving your kid! That is job one & everything else will fall into place after that. A moment of raising your voice too loud or giving a look that is harsh will not send your child to a future therapist. Laughing a lot now will save your munchkins a truckload of money in their adulthood!
Concerning your home; a messy kitchen or bathroom is a lived in & welcoming place. Having the towels all lined up properly in the linen closet does not help them dry your family any better. Warning here: Potty training boys is harmful to bathroom walls, carpets, linoleum etc. Get used to it.
Saying good-bye at the pre-school door is not fun & it will hurt but it is very healthy for both of you. Relax about recognizing that there is life beyond you. A weird thought, I know at this point when you are the center of all they do, think & are. But those first baby steps away are heading away.....& that's a good thing.
The eye-rolling that shows itself in teenhood is not a permanent opthamologist problem. Look at is as their way of using a special sign language to tell you how much they love you.(That will help!) They DO love you & they prove it by patiently & calmly putting up with you! At this stage "Putting up with you" is a really, really big sacrifice for them, so be grateful, but go ahead & keep doing all those things that get their eyes rolling. It's good exercise for them! Relax, this too will pass.
Believe it or not there will come a day when the sight of dirty soap & toys in the tub will be missed. You will wake up & not even know what kinds of kiddie shows are on anymore. You will go to the movies again & restaurants! You will be able to read a magazine cover to cover in one sitting if you want. You won't even remember the last time you changed a diaper. So the advice I give you lovely young thing is this.......
RELAX!
Give the boys my love,
Future You
oh wow, thanks for posting this! i have tears running down my face after reading it, imagining my 1 year old daughter going to pre-school and the thought of my future self telling me to give her love to her daughter. (did that make sense?) i really appreciate you taking the time to write this for those of us in the midst of the crazy seaon of having tiny ones. maybe it's my pregnancy hormones, or more likely, you just wrote some precious words that i will keep in my heart!
ReplyDeletethank you!
laura
I know people always say it...but I honestly don't think I will miss the dirty house. I may eat my words one day...but I hereby proclaim this day, I will not miss the dirty house. The kids? Yes. The hugs, the laughter, the chaos...yes. The dirt? No.
ReplyDeleteThanks for a great letter.
I loved it.
Sandy
I loved this post... especially the "eyes rolling" part.
ReplyDeleteI have survived that with one child so far, my 21 year old, but I'm still in the throes of teenage years, with 3 still home and one to go....
I used to tell them that their eyeballs would get stuck up inside their head, but after the first couple of times it didn't work any longer. lol
Man, they must REALLY love me... cause eye rolling is common here!
This is my first time visiting your blog and I loved reading your letter.
Thanks for the read!
OK I think I need to print this off and put it on my fridge! Fantastic advice!
ReplyDeleteAnd you're still gorgeous so tell your NOW self that you're beautiful!
Excellent letter. I am sad at how fast it has all gone!
ReplyDelete"A moment of raising your voice too loud or giving a look that is harsh will not send your child to a future therapist."
ReplyDeleteWhew, that is a relief. My husband has told me that before but it means more coming from you.
And just recently I was thinking about how my towels USED to be folded so neatly and nicely! I actually used to take pride in my pretty linen closet. Ahh, one day.
Thanks so much for playing!!!
You're such a great writer! I love your letter; every word is heartfelt and true. I wish I'd had it to give me some perspective, back in the days of toy-strewn floors and smudged windows. Nevertheless, I think my boys turned out okay. :)
ReplyDeleteI think I was an uptight, worrying mom a lot when they were little. You helped me enjoy the benefits of where I am now (magazine reading, e.g.). Thanks for the great post.
ReplyDeleteWow guys! Thanx, some really fun & encouraging comments! I live for them ya know! :)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful!
ReplyDeleteMade me get all teary-eyed!
I love it.
ReplyDeleteIt gives me hope and made me laugh as i think of my time with my 2 boys and all that you discribed that has yet to come
Will I have to gut my bathroom before I can line my towels perfectly? And, when do boys leave the "potty training" that stinks for walls, floors, shower curtains, etc? Mine are 3 and 5.
ReplyDeleteThanks!!