Odd Times

Such an odd and perplexing day. I am thankful for our new puppy Layla, she is bringing some giggles and entertainment in a tense time. Here is what I did today:

Kept the dog and the music down low as Hubs was on the phone with 6 different people in offices asking him detailed questions about our work history, current expenses, life style and bank accounts. We are 2 months away from being out of savings to pay our house payment. He makes exactly $300 more a month than our house pmt. We've survived so far by slowly pulling from savings but it will be gone in March. Crazy times.

Here's the crazy part.....The agencies could help, but only when we have missed at least 2 house payments! Hubs has been an uber responsible and honest to a fault man all his life. Especially regarding money and never missing or being late on paying what he owes. To wait until we default on our house pmt simply does not fit in his brain or character.

But that does not count in his favor at all.

We are thankful that we have no debt or credit card bills. Like I said, we are careful, and living on ministry income makes you want to do the right thing with every penny. We have. But we also did not set up a retirement plan at all. Don't know what we were thinking. Naive and sure that we would be happily ministering to people for all of our days until death. But ministry does not equal $$. Like I said, we were not thinking.

One agency suggested we refinance our home. Another call was made, this time a conference call between agency man and house loan people. Ironically we do not qualify for a refi because we do not make enough $$.

Aargh!

Sorry for dumping this on you kind readers. There is nothing you can or should do, but you already have. You have been a place I could talk about my day. My very strange and perplexing day.

Thank you.

I am sitting here in my house that is totally silent other than a loud tick-tock from our inherited wall clock. I just kissed the Hubs good-bye before he roared off to work on his motorcycle. I always go stand at the front door as I watch him ride away for his hour long commute to work each day. I feel like June Cleaver. 

I may be channeling her these days because I am a work at home writer now and I often have dinner ready when he gets home and even if he does not arrive home until 10pm, I try to make sure there is something for him to eat before bed. Who is this person? Ha! 

I have sent out tons of blog posts that included these lines: "I never cook because I hate it and we eat out every day for lunch while at work so we just snack at dinner time."  That was our pattern, our lifestyle once upon a time. But our pattern has changed into something completely different and still strange. Hubs works as a cashier in a store for minimum wage about 30 hours a week and I bring in about $100-$150 a week with small writing jobs while I try to get "the big one". 

So I stand at the front door of our house which is still ours (yay!) and I am full of thanks for my life and my husband and kids. Sometimes the really loud ticking of our lovely pendulum clock gets on my nerves because I am not used to being home alone, so I put music on nice and loud as I clean the house and write my brains out. :) 

I am especially excited this week because I have been invited to write Guest Blog Posts to two big blog-sites this next week and my mind is tumbling with ideas! These jobs do not pay, but they get me seen and known and it appears that networking and being seen is pretty important for a writer these days. I will give you links to the blogs when it happens.

Becoming a bit of a hermit was not what I expected with this new lifestyle though. My big outings are Walmart and my Tuesday nights with girlfriends. That's it! We don't always go to church on Sundays because Hubs works and I am still not used to going alone. 

But yesterday I had lunch with a friend and former student and it was wonderful! As she questioned me on my writing goals and I got passionate about what I want to write about she kept saying, "Oh that would be a great chapter title!!"  Ha! So I came home and made notes for my possible book that I dream about and fantasize over. 

Who knows? Right now the clock is tick-tocking and reminding me that this blog post is not paying me anything and it is time to move on. I do not see blogging as wasted time though. It is a lovely place to sort my thoughts and connect with you, may cyber friends. I am thankful for you and I pray that this day will hold good promise for you as well. 

One Conversation

One conversation can bring healing to the hurting heart.
Speaking words aloud that have been swirling in our heads for months.
My stomach was turning flip-flops as we drove to the little Tai restaurant.
If it was going to be all small-talk I was determined to move it to big talk!
It is way overdue. No one's fault.
Everyone's fault.

One hour moved into more than two hours.
With eyes brimming they said that no harm was meant,
and told us of the behind-the-scenes happenings
that were happening.

With eyes equally full we said that we knew that.
We had never stopped 'believing the best' about them.
Underneath the surface junk, we knew the hearts and
we never doubted.

Well, yes, we did doubt and we did stick our
little toes into the tempting pool of
bitterness.
But we hated how it felt and quickly
stepped away.

But oh, the freedom to look across that little
shiny black table and smile into loving eyes.
To give forgiveness and accept forgiveness.
So sweet, take a deep breath and let the shoulders fall.

One talk, one conversation.
So powerful and so releasing.
Thank you Father.