I Love This Show!

Yes, I will admit it, I love the show "What Not To Wear"! I see the before pictures of some poor thing that has her clothes & hair all wrong & I think this one will be impossible to repair! But Stacey & Clinton turn her into a beauty right before our eyes. Actually I often wonder when my friends or co-workers will turn on me & send some creepy camera toting stalker to film my bad clothing choices. "Did I just see those bushes move?"

Amazing husband feels that the hosts are annoying & too mean & just want everyone to look like them. I agree that the ritual of gathering the "victims" family & friends around to view the before footage is a bit brutal at times...but still very funny since it's not me! But the person being helped (and given $5000 worth of clothing!) always ends up hugging, crying & totally in love with Stacey, Clinton, & their new self.

I love the way that the hosts can see the potential in the person & do their best to pull out the inner beauty of her. They never talk about weight or dieting, it's all about dressing to flatter any size at all. The guest is transformed in front of everyone & walks away with an entirely different attitude about themselves. I also like the hair & make-up tips they show & have even used a few. It cracks me up when the guest is reluctant & snotty at first, until they finally begin to "get it" & admit they could use a little help. They are usually the ones with the most dramatic changes & they agree that there were subconscious reasons for their ugly clothing habits.

Stacey & Clinton believe that we are all beauties....but we do not believe it. We see the one or two faults & concentrate on them so much that we can no longer see anything else. List your good qualities & your bad qualities; one list is always easier than the other isn't it? I wonder why that is? I hate my butt, hubby loves it, but I am constantly planning my clothing around how to hide it. At least it's behind me & I can avoid looking at it everytime I see a mirror! But do I? Nope, of course not, I turn & check to see how it's looking! I sure would fight entering that 360 degree mirror on the show!

Finally at the amazing age of 53 I am loving myself & even my caboose a bit. What a gigantic waste of time to worry & fuss & feel depressed about my looks when there are so many wonderful things to be thinking & doing! Yes, I know that Stacey & Clinton could find a ton of uglies in my closet to throw in the trash can & they would certainly tell me to dress my age a bit more (as in more dress pants instead of jeans) but I did throw out all my old pleated pants with narrow ankles, yikes! They should be very proud of me, I am!

Don't Know How To Do It

My plan when I opened this blog site was to have a place where I could speak freely without consequence. I thought that my regular site might be too confining because it is read by all my family & Christian friends. Not that I was imagining myself writing R rated stuff by any means! (I did leave a comment on someones blog recently complaining about my small bra size, but that's as racy as I'll probably get!)

It is just that I was finding myself editing too much & wondering what so & so would think about what I was putting out there. I did not want everything I wrote to be about God. I wanted to see what it felt like to talk about parts of my life that are not all about my faith.

And there, my friend is the sticky-wicket as my mom used to say. I do not have a section of my life that is unaffected by God. He is in my car, in my classroom with my students, in my bedroom with my husband, in my home with my sons & even with me right now involved in writing a post for my blog! I can't help it! Sorry, I tried, really I did. He laughs at my baby boobies jokes & helps me be patient with my sons who are living back at home again after we got used to having the house to ourselves. God is looking in the mirror with me reminding me not to groan at what He created.

When I used to get bored at a church service, I am absolutely positive that He was even more bored! Can you imagine how many times he has heard the exact same messages over & over again? Yuck! Maybe that is why I cannot seperate Him from the reality of my life. Because I know that He fits into every section of it. Some people, actually most Christians, see God in two ways. Either they see Him as a once-a-week relative they have to visit with for an hour or two every Sunday, or they turn every minute of their life into a weird spiritual experience that makes everyone run away when they see them in the store or school.

I believe that God fits into all of my life because He created me to be exactly who & how I am right now. He loves me just as much when I'm at Walmart or the beach as He does when I'm at church. Could we even entertain the notion that He might prefer I go to the beach instead of church some Sunday? I know people who would strongly disagree with that idea.

So, I began this post by saying that I wanted a place to write without worrying about the consequences. I thought I would need the freedom to not talk about God....instead I need the freedom to go ahead & talk about Him if I feel like it. And He is probably chuckeling at me right now!

My Best Idea!

Thirty years ago I made a decision that I had no idea was as great as it was. I was 23 years old & in love with a very tall, very skinny, very poor but also very “on fire” young man who made me laugh & was absolutely crazy about me.
I would listen to him talk about God with friends late into the night, his eyes growing more intense & amazed the later it got & the more impossible it was to describe the God that he saw.
I knew without a doubt that he was the one I wanted to grow old with, not that I was actually thinking about growing old at that point. My heart was convinced that he was my “one & only”. I wish I knew how I knew. I could see things that others just could not see. I could see a heart that burned. I could see an inner strength & faithfulness that was so deep it could not be budged. I saw a playful humor that caught people off guard & made me giggle again & again. It still does.

I married him 30 years ago & had no idea that it was the best idea I would ever have! Happy 30th my Curt!

How'd I Get Here?

I will be 53 in a few days. It is a fact, according to my birth certificate & my mom, I was born that many years ago this month. But..........

I keep forgetting it until I look in the mirror in the early mornings & see my moms face looking back at me. Now, I love her face but that does not stop me from rushing to my make-up kit! Make up & lots of coffee does wonders for my morning self-esteem.

I do not FEEL 53. I forget my age because it does not define me & I will not let it hold me back from what I want to do, whether it is wearing jeans to work or traveling all over the world.

When I was 23 I had no idea how amazing my life would be. My plan was to get married, have some kids, maybe teach pre-school & be a pastors wife possibly. That was it, that was my big dream.

Now I am 53 & I have been to China, Hong Kong & Japan. I have also been to Fiji three times & will go to the Philipines this year! These pictures are from China & Fiji trips that I made, all in the last 5 years! How in the world did I get here?

I got here one day at a time just like everyone else. One choice at a time, one "Yes" at a time when asked to do something scarey & too big for me. Go to some remote, primitive Fijian islands to encourage & bless the people? Gather a group of 40 young people to travel across the globe to slog through mud into small taxi boats to spend time with lovely Fijians who are completely secluded from the world? "Umm, YES!"

I don't feel 53 & I am determined not to feel it. Or maybe it's just time to re-define what 53 should feel like. It's not OLD, I know that for sure. It's wonderful!

I am loving my life & would not change a thing. Well that's not quite true. I would change how I look first thing in the morning. The 23 year old face & body would be a great birthday present! (But a little freaky!)

As Real As I Know How To Be

After writing the "Welcome" section where I stated the above sentence, I woke up one morning wondering if I really know how to be real. Hmm.."As real as I know how to be"........ How real do I know how to be?

For as long as I can remember I have been what the people around me needed me to be. Obedient, compliant daughter. Quiet, peace-keeping christian youth grouper. Perfect attendance student. Loving, people-pleasing mom & pastors wife. ( Oh man, Pastor Wife-ing involves tons of people-pleasing, believe me! Another story for another day!)

I am currently doing what I love with my life. I am surrounded by wonderful, fun & encouraging friends & collegues. I am no longer pretending to be better than I am. I am liking me for the first time in my life.

And yet, I am telling no one around me about this little venture into putting my true thoughts out into cyberspace, whatever that is. This is my place to vent without risk of hurting feelings or wondering how my words may affect those around me. It feels pretty good so far! Of course I haven't really said anything yet! Ha! Can I be as real as I know how to be? That depends on how real I know how to be I guess. We'll just have to see.