Philippines Update Number two!

Philippines Update Number Two!
Today is Monday & we are free to wander until 4pm when we will break into groups to go to several slum areas to pray for people. It's been great to have a slow morning to stop & breathe and be amazed at all that God has done in the last few days!Yesterday, Sunday we were in two services that were full to capacity & very noisy & crazy with kids wandering around & the shopping mall noise in the background. (Joe & Primroses' church meets in a large room in a shopping center.) Every once in a while I would see a woman leave & come back with her store purchases! Wow, a great combo of worship & shopping!! Before the message all the little kids came up & did an adorable song with hand motions, they are all so beautiful & quite taken with the PH students!Jon Tulio preached a wonderful message in the morning service. He spoke about being a Phil-Am, Philippine-American & moved into a beautiful message of heritage & inheritance. Jon & Marcia are going to make a real difference here, it's been fun to see the respect they already have with these people.After the message Bill had the PH students come up to the front with physical words of knowledge for healing. We got to see blind eyes opened, ears opened, limbs brought back to health & much more! I watched an old man in blue cover his whole face when instructed to put their hands over the place that hurts. After being prayed for he & his daughter walked to the front & said that he could not see clearly but now he could! Bill & Mark held up fingers for him to count & he did so, which brought crazy, loud cheers from everyone. Arms, legs, back problems, headaches, epilepsy, wristpain, all were healed in that meeting!Following the service I saw people all over the place bending, stretching, flexing arms & legs, twisting their necks....it looked like a gym except that everyone had huge smiles on their faces!!We returned at 2:30 the same day for another meeting with people who came from the mountains & other long distances. Again we saw beautiful healings & much laughter as Bill & Joe became something of a comedy team as they spoke together. (Joe was translating for Bill.) Our students along with the Philippine School of Supernatural & the team from Australia have done a great job of working together on the streets & in the services.On Saturday, sorry this is backwards, we divided up into groups & went out into the streets & the local mall to pray for people as we felt God direct. It was agreat experience & we had reports of spasms healed, arms, legs & backs healed. Some of the groups ended up with lines of people waiting to be prayed for! Many of the students have been gathering up street children & taking them to breakfast each morning.We are so proud of all the teams. Our students have given of themselves & been refreshed in return during our own worship times. Please continue to pray for us. The tiredness is beginning to show & we appreciate the sense of Gods presence that renews & gives strength to end our time here in a strong way with no regrets that we backed down in any way.Thanks for your prayers!

I'm In The Philippines!

Hi Friends!
We arrived safe, tired & excited in the Philippines after 24 hours of travel! It is hot & humid like Fiji, also like Fiji the people are totally welcoming & warm to all of us. The smiles just melt me every time.
Last night our group of 22 students (Yay, Roz is here too!) & 7 leaders were welcomed with a huge feast as we got to meet the 12 Australians who are here as the third cord of the much anticipated joining of three nations to bless the Philippines. Tonight we will meet the Philippine School of the Supernatural & with all three groups together we are convinced that it will be explosive!
This morning one of the Aussies described a picture she had just seen while we worshiped. She saw it raining on this area & the people running out into it instead of running for cover. It was God-rain, His presence & His pleasure. As she shared the vision it was hard to imagine because it is so very hot here....but as I sit & type this blog to you it is now thundering & pouring so hard that it is almost frightening! I am picturing our students who are out having a free day of sightseeing; are they running for cover or are they dancing in the rain?? I know them well enough to look forward to some crazy dancing stories tonight!!
This week is going to be a time of tranformation for us as individuals & this beautiful nation. Dave said that he has longed to see the time when a nation could be changed in just a day & he belives that this is the time & this is the place. What we do here in the next few days will not end in the next few days. It will bring a permanent upgrade to the wonderful church here that Joe & Primrose are leading. Each one of us here also has the opportunity to step into brand new territory & never go back to the old.
I know that all of the students at Potter's House would want me to say thank you to all of you who were so instrumental in bringing them here. Thank you also for your continued prayer as we try to hear The Father & obey.

School Marm to Motorcycle Mama!

School Marm to Motorcycle Mama!

One year ago this month my husband bought a motorcycle on EBay. Sight unseen! I am still in shock about that in itself. This is the same man who stands in one spot of the grocery store meditating on a can of soup for 10 minutes while I run around collecting 6 other items to throw in the cart! A big truck arrived at our house & out came a beautiful black & chrome Honda Shadow Spirit 1100. I admit that it was really pretty to look at but the first time he revved it up in our garage, I had to duck back into the house because I was so freaked!

But I did not stay in the house very long. I refuse to allow fear to make my decisions any more. I have a long history of disappearing whenever something even slightly risky is put before me. It has taken years for me to be comfortable just being on a freeway in a car! I used to choose going through 50 city stoplights rather than take the quicker, but riskier freeway! So here is this huge roaring thing in my garage, and it has no doors or roof or seatbelts! I decided to let Curt (my husband) ride it for a few weeks without me so he could get “used to it” before I joined him for a ride. (That was pretty clever wasn’t it?) Meanwhile I’m praying, “Oh God, oh God, oh God!”

About a month later I knew it was time to be the supportive wife & trust my hubby to keep me alive even though we had no seatbelts whatsoever. I had a shiny new red helmet from eBay that looked pretty cute. But the dilemma of what to wear was an obstacle for me. Think about this, ladies. You cannot carry a purse on the back of a motorcycle, at least not this one!
It just would not look right at all! I am not used to leaving the house without my purse full of life’s necessities; my comb (helmet hair!), lipstick, wallet, gum, camera, keys, make-up, paper & pen, cell phone etc. What if we get somewhere & I need my stuff? Even my more casual favorite bag would not really look right. After a few trips with my pockets & Curts’ pockets stuffed, I now quickly grab just my camera, phone, gum & gloss & I am good to go!

Flip-flops do not work on a bike & a regular jacket just looks silly so I found a really cute black leather jacket at the Goodwill store that I love & I wear some lace up boots that help me keep my footing on the foot pegs. Oh, didn’t that sound like I know what I am talking about? Foot pegs! Hey, I know a lot about stuff that I never knew would be so interesting; extended forks, chrome exhaust pipes, sissy bars, buying a new gas tank (with red flames!), baffling, ape hangers, cable clamps & air cleaners. Actually it is not all that interesting but I am hearing a lot about these things lately anyway! Oh, and tripping over lots of these now too!

The first motorcycle ride with my husband was tough. I was dressed correctly, but my heart was jumping around as if I had decided to take a flying leap off a mountain ledge. I got behind Curt & grabbed his waist with all my strength & off we went around the neighborhood. I was literally facing a huge fear & not backing down. I had the option of listening to the voice in my head that was telling me that this was extremely unsafe & foolish. I was very familiar with that voice; it had been with me all my life.
"Don’t approach that person, they won’t like you. Don’t sign up for that class, you will fail. Say that you are unavailable for that mission’s trip, it’s too far away. "

It was time for that special prayer again, “Oh God, oh God, oh God!” It was not an eloquent or carefully crafted prayer, but it was entirely & deeply sincere! And God heard it. I think He was proud of me & tired of the silly little fears that had handicapped so much of my life. I can honestly say that those fears have melted away to a great extent. The motorcycle freak-outs are definitely gone. (I still do not like the freeway on the bike though!)

I absolutely love riding the bike for hours & hours with my husband. We go out in the country & up to Lake Berryessa & will eventually try some more distant rides. We’ve ridden through Napa & Yountville & I have been snapping lots of amazing photos from the back of our Shadow! Did you read that? I am taking pictures while flying along at 50 – 60 miles an hour, not holding on to my husbands’ waist! I am smiling the whole time!

There is something unexplainably peaceful about roaring along the countryside, even though we are scaring the cows & sheep everywhere we go!
The beautiful flowers & hills & various aromas are captivating. The temperatures change by the minute according to where you are. If you are passing an orchard it gets wonderfully cool & refreshing. When we are crossing the many country roads that are being tilled & dug up it gets hot & dry. I wear a visor because it helps me breath easier & I’m just not okay with bugs hitting my face! Another peaceful thing about our rides is that we cannot talk so we don’t have to & even if the laundry is not done, I cannot do it when I’m out flying around the countryside!! I stop my mind from dwelling on problems while riding, but sometimes a solution just randomly pops up without any provocation from me! I love that!

What if I had chosen to keep my fear? I love my quiet times at home alone when Curt goes on a ride by himself, but I would have missed the total joy of being out there with him & God enjoying creation & each other. I would have given in to the old habit of fear & been held captive by it until I was too old try anything new at all. I am free & the only thing that holds me captive now is the love of my God who hears desperate prayers!

My Glasses Are Foggy!

Okay, it is embarrassing enough that I continually change colors in front of people for no apparent reason due to my fun internal heat thermostate being a bit wacky lately. But one day last week my glasses actually fogged up due to a menopausal hot flash!

In my daily life I really try hard not to let the fact that I am burning up from the inside out be an obvious attention getter. I remember seeing older women sweating & pulling at their collars as if they were suffocating & just being so grossed out about it. I do not want to be that gross older woman. Want to see why?

Here are a few of the people I spend my days with:

These lovely ladies are a few of my twenty-something age students that look to me for answers about life & I am a living example of their futures. Do I want them staring at my neck as it changes from white, to pink to red? Do I want them to know that I have gone through two winters without once putting on my nice big fluffly sweaters? Just looking at my collection of turtle necks gets me claustraphobic ! Next to my bed I have 3 different pajama sets because I never know if it's going to be a "hot" night or a cold night. Sox on....sox off....sox on...sox off!

I am not against being honest with my students but I refuse to allow complaining & grumbling about my body to be a normal example of living beyond 40. I am 53 & most of them are between 18 & 30. They have perfect bodies, glossy hair & tend to wear about 40 layers of t-shirts every day!

I want them to look forward to each day & each birthday. To feel good about themselves as they age & "change" . I can honestly say that I would not trade places with them for anything. I absolutely love being 53, well, except for the personal "summers" that I get to enjoy without even getting a pretty tan out of it! So I am going to age gracefully in front of them, whatever that means. I am not going to go on & on about my personal ailments & doctor visits. That's why I am putting this on here & not on the site that they read. Am I contradicting myself? Not sure. I might be....but isn't that one of the menopausal side afffects?? Ha!

Random Photo Chat

Experiment....

Feeling at loose ends for the moment so I'm going to try something silly. I'm going to randomly choose a photo from my collection & chat about it a bit. Wow, aren't I the wild & crazy woman tonight?! Ha! Whatever.....

Ok, this was taken 3 months ago at Christmas, obviously. I am in the middle with the very real look of terror on my face. You can also see my sisters hand which reveals that she too is freaking out a little. And why wouldn't we? Our mom has just opened a very sharp & mean looking garden knife & is waving it around with delight as she talks about how shiny it is & how much she has been needing it.

The back story to this picture of fear & delight is that my mom has a family tradition of accidentally cutting herself over the holidays. One year my husband even had to take her to the emergency room for stitches early on Christmas morning as she was preparing the meal. She did not want to wake Dad cause she knew he'd be bugged that she "did it again!". If it did not happen during meal prep it was while she cut candles to the right size, or trimmed greenery for the mantle.

Speaking of greenery, we also had an exciting morning one year as the dry greenery on the mantle caught fire while we were in the next room opening gifts! "Do you smell smoke? Just candles, don't worry. Oh dear, it's a fire!" Our family gatherings are seldom boring!

Well that was fun!

How Come?

How come every time I get a compliment on my new hairstyle, I wonder if they actually thought my old one was horrible for years & years? I had it super short for a long time & felt very edgy & non-dowdy in it. But now that I have been growing it out for the last two years, (and it is still barely chin length, thats how short I had it!!) people are just loving it & saying it is the "real" me. What!? Did they hate it all that time? Was I hiding under my non-hair? Was I looking too severe & man-ish? I thought I looked pretty cute most of the time.
I'm liking my new look also. I love that my hair actually moves & I have options of how to style it. Of course the option is totally up to my hair & what mood it is in each morning. I don't really have a lot of say in the matter. :) But it even went into two little pigtails one day while I was doing housework! Barretts & headbands are fun new toys for me to play with now. Another great change is that my helmet-head after going for a motorcycle ride is not as bad with longer hair. Yay! Someday my hair my even be as long as the Amazing Husbands' & then I can wear a real pony-tail!

I Love This Show!

Yes, I will admit it, I love the show "What Not To Wear"! I see the before pictures of some poor thing that has her clothes & hair all wrong & I think this one will be impossible to repair! But Stacey & Clinton turn her into a beauty right before our eyes. Actually I often wonder when my friends or co-workers will turn on me & send some creepy camera toting stalker to film my bad clothing choices. "Did I just see those bushes move?"

Amazing husband feels that the hosts are annoying & too mean & just want everyone to look like them. I agree that the ritual of gathering the "victims" family & friends around to view the before footage is a bit brutal at times...but still very funny since it's not me! But the person being helped (and given $5000 worth of clothing!) always ends up hugging, crying & totally in love with Stacey, Clinton, & their new self.

I love the way that the hosts can see the potential in the person & do their best to pull out the inner beauty of her. They never talk about weight or dieting, it's all about dressing to flatter any size at all. The guest is transformed in front of everyone & walks away with an entirely different attitude about themselves. I also like the hair & make-up tips they show & have even used a few. It cracks me up when the guest is reluctant & snotty at first, until they finally begin to "get it" & admit they could use a little help. They are usually the ones with the most dramatic changes & they agree that there were subconscious reasons for their ugly clothing habits.

Stacey & Clinton believe that we are all beauties....but we do not believe it. We see the one or two faults & concentrate on them so much that we can no longer see anything else. List your good qualities & your bad qualities; one list is always easier than the other isn't it? I wonder why that is? I hate my butt, hubby loves it, but I am constantly planning my clothing around how to hide it. At least it's behind me & I can avoid looking at it everytime I see a mirror! But do I? Nope, of course not, I turn & check to see how it's looking! I sure would fight entering that 360 degree mirror on the show!

Finally at the amazing age of 53 I am loving myself & even my caboose a bit. What a gigantic waste of time to worry & fuss & feel depressed about my looks when there are so many wonderful things to be thinking & doing! Yes, I know that Stacey & Clinton could find a ton of uglies in my closet to throw in the trash can & they would certainly tell me to dress my age a bit more (as in more dress pants instead of jeans) but I did throw out all my old pleated pants with narrow ankles, yikes! They should be very proud of me, I am!

Don't Know How To Do It

My plan when I opened this blog site was to have a place where I could speak freely without consequence. I thought that my regular site might be too confining because it is read by all my family & Christian friends. Not that I was imagining myself writing R rated stuff by any means! (I did leave a comment on someones blog recently complaining about my small bra size, but that's as racy as I'll probably get!)

It is just that I was finding myself editing too much & wondering what so & so would think about what I was putting out there. I did not want everything I wrote to be about God. I wanted to see what it felt like to talk about parts of my life that are not all about my faith.

And there, my friend is the sticky-wicket as my mom used to say. I do not have a section of my life that is unaffected by God. He is in my car, in my classroom with my students, in my bedroom with my husband, in my home with my sons & even with me right now involved in writing a post for my blog! I can't help it! Sorry, I tried, really I did. He laughs at my baby boobies jokes & helps me be patient with my sons who are living back at home again after we got used to having the house to ourselves. God is looking in the mirror with me reminding me not to groan at what He created.

When I used to get bored at a church service, I am absolutely positive that He was even more bored! Can you imagine how many times he has heard the exact same messages over & over again? Yuck! Maybe that is why I cannot seperate Him from the reality of my life. Because I know that He fits into every section of it. Some people, actually most Christians, see God in two ways. Either they see Him as a once-a-week relative they have to visit with for an hour or two every Sunday, or they turn every minute of their life into a weird spiritual experience that makes everyone run away when they see them in the store or school.

I believe that God fits into all of my life because He created me to be exactly who & how I am right now. He loves me just as much when I'm at Walmart or the beach as He does when I'm at church. Could we even entertain the notion that He might prefer I go to the beach instead of church some Sunday? I know people who would strongly disagree with that idea.

So, I began this post by saying that I wanted a place to write without worrying about the consequences. I thought I would need the freedom to not talk about God....instead I need the freedom to go ahead & talk about Him if I feel like it. And He is probably chuckeling at me right now!

My Best Idea!

Thirty years ago I made a decision that I had no idea was as great as it was. I was 23 years old & in love with a very tall, very skinny, very poor but also very “on fire” young man who made me laugh & was absolutely crazy about me.
I would listen to him talk about God with friends late into the night, his eyes growing more intense & amazed the later it got & the more impossible it was to describe the God that he saw.
I knew without a doubt that he was the one I wanted to grow old with, not that I was actually thinking about growing old at that point. My heart was convinced that he was my “one & only”. I wish I knew how I knew. I could see things that others just could not see. I could see a heart that burned. I could see an inner strength & faithfulness that was so deep it could not be budged. I saw a playful humor that caught people off guard & made me giggle again & again. It still does.

I married him 30 years ago & had no idea that it was the best idea I would ever have! Happy 30th my Curt!

How'd I Get Here?

I will be 53 in a few days. It is a fact, according to my birth certificate & my mom, I was born that many years ago this month. But..........

I keep forgetting it until I look in the mirror in the early mornings & see my moms face looking back at me. Now, I love her face but that does not stop me from rushing to my make-up kit! Make up & lots of coffee does wonders for my morning self-esteem.

I do not FEEL 53. I forget my age because it does not define me & I will not let it hold me back from what I want to do, whether it is wearing jeans to work or traveling all over the world.

When I was 23 I had no idea how amazing my life would be. My plan was to get married, have some kids, maybe teach pre-school & be a pastors wife possibly. That was it, that was my big dream.

Now I am 53 & I have been to China, Hong Kong & Japan. I have also been to Fiji three times & will go to the Philipines this year! These pictures are from China & Fiji trips that I made, all in the last 5 years! How in the world did I get here?

I got here one day at a time just like everyone else. One choice at a time, one "Yes" at a time when asked to do something scarey & too big for me. Go to some remote, primitive Fijian islands to encourage & bless the people? Gather a group of 40 young people to travel across the globe to slog through mud into small taxi boats to spend time with lovely Fijians who are completely secluded from the world? "Umm, YES!"

I don't feel 53 & I am determined not to feel it. Or maybe it's just time to re-define what 53 should feel like. It's not OLD, I know that for sure. It's wonderful!

I am loving my life & would not change a thing. Well that's not quite true. I would change how I look first thing in the morning. The 23 year old face & body would be a great birthday present! (But a little freaky!)

As Real As I Know How To Be

After writing the "Welcome" section where I stated the above sentence, I woke up one morning wondering if I really know how to be real. Hmm.."As real as I know how to be"........ How real do I know how to be?

For as long as I can remember I have been what the people around me needed me to be. Obedient, compliant daughter. Quiet, peace-keeping christian youth grouper. Perfect attendance student. Loving, people-pleasing mom & pastors wife. ( Oh man, Pastor Wife-ing involves tons of people-pleasing, believe me! Another story for another day!)

I am currently doing what I love with my life. I am surrounded by wonderful, fun & encouraging friends & collegues. I am no longer pretending to be better than I am. I am liking me for the first time in my life.

And yet, I am telling no one around me about this little venture into putting my true thoughts out into cyberspace, whatever that is. This is my place to vent without risk of hurting feelings or wondering how my words may affect those around me. It feels pretty good so far! Of course I haven't really said anything yet! Ha! Can I be as real as I know how to be? That depends on how real I know how to be I guess. We'll just have to see.

Walking Butterfly

Two mornings after recording the previous story about breaking out of my cocoon, a funny little two-word phrase popped into my mind. It made me smile and even giggle; it was so silly. Then a picture came with the phrase that was really goofy.

The words that came were 'walking butterfly', and the picture was a beautiful butterfly with mult-colored wings that were huge behind her. They were strong and bright and even a bit overwhelming. But she was walking! I could clearly see her walking down the sidewalk, dragging those perfectly good wings behind. She seemed quite pleased with herself and even carried a nice purse that matched her shoes. I told you it was silly!

I suppose the thought of a walking butterfly could be seen as a sad picture, but for me it was comical because I knew that I was that silly butterfly and that God was lovingly sending me a message. He was gently showing me that I already have all I need to begin to fly free. I keep waiting and asking Him to equip me and make me all He wants me to be. While I am asking, He is looking at those huge wings that I am dragging around. He has given us the equipment, but we need to use it.

Has God given you some promises? Has He been growing you and changing you? One of the root causes for feelings of frustration can be that you are going through a growth spurt. Are you waiting anxiously for Him to change you into a great woman or man of God? You may need to look behind you. Dragging those huge wings can be frustrating and hard. Maybe it's time for us to fly!

Do Butterflies Look Bored?

Don't butterflies look like they are having fun? It would be easy to imagine them playing a game. Those brightly colored wings carry them this way and that, land for a bit on a yellow flower, then up and off to stop at a purple blossom, never staying in one spot for very long.

Now picture a cocoon, all brown and crusty, some edges darker than the others. It blends in with the tree or plant it is attached to. It may look dead if you don't realize what it is. The caterpillar is inside there, and she is slowly changing, bit by bit. At first the cocoon is exactly the right shape and size for the caterpillar, maybe it is even comfortable.

I have lived inside a cocoon for many years. I spent those years loving God, and He protected me and carried me through some really great times and some very bad times. But life in this world of ours still hurts and awful things happen, and even though I was a Christian I began to build a nice, safe cocoon to hide in and protect myself. It was fine and comfy in there for quite a while. It worked. I was serving God and hopefully helping people. I had fashioned the cocoon myself, so it was only as large as I allowed it to be. It fit perfectly...as long as I stayed the same size.

But God could see the bigger picture. He saw me in that crusty, old cocoon and knew the real design He had in mind for me. His dream for me was way too big to fit in that ugly little thing that I had made for myself. So He began to gently change me while I was still inside my safety capsule. Little by little my form grew and expanded until that covering began to feel uncomfortable.

Now, growth sounds like it would be a totally positive and agreeable process. Who in the world would choose to be a caterpillar over a butterfly? But for quite a while I hung on to that useless cocoon even as it was breaking apart, since it was all I knew. What else could there be? Recently I have been slowly stretching out my wings and the sunshine of God's love for me has warmed them and caused me to venture out of my cocoon and into the delight of His huge love for me.

Freedom! Look at a butterfly. Doesn't she look like she is enjoying, reveling in her freedom? I wonder if she remembers the cocoon life of before. I do. And I sure do not want to return to it. Can you be serving God and still be all bound up, tight and hard? Yes, you can, and God will still use you...but He can see a much more beautiful picture for you. Freedom, joy, laughter. Those are major ingredients in my life now.

It is a daily adventure to explore all the aspects of my new freedom. I am finding that I just did not know what I did not know! Boring? Ever seen a bored butterfly?