At this moment I am grateful to myself that I have not allowed my other website to cross-pollinate with this one. Only 2 people in my daily life know about this little sanctuary of expression & that gives me complete freedom to say loudly & clearly that menopause sucks, a lot!
I am so tired of sitting in a staff meeting in a circle of 15 people & suddenly feeling the inner warmth creeping up my body from the inside out & quickly making itself visible on my neck & face! I force my hand not to reach for some paper to fan myself & just will the sweat to dry up on it’s own before anyone looks my way. My face turns bright red & blotchy & once my glasses even steamed up! It is just so embarrassing & uncomfortable. It seems like my body is betraying me after so many years of getting along pretty well with each other.
The other awful symptom that has me baffled is the unexplained weight gain. I practically live on yogurt & salad. I love them & really do eat one or the other almost every day for lunch at work & at home. But this last year I am getting puffy & soft all over the place. My neck & arms are moving when they are not supposed to, yuck! I used to be able to get rid of tummy fat with a few extra exercises in the morning & skipping desserts for a bit. Yesterday in my new swimsuit the little rolls just loved moving right into the “slimmer & shaper” panel of extra material.
But the part that is really bugging me today is the mental fogginess that is showing up lately. I am getting more forgetful & starting to not trust my memory. This can be brutal in the middle of an argument with your husband when you realize that maybe you did not do what you think you remember doing! Ack! It kind of takes the wind out of your sails.
Last week I bought a whole cartload of food at our Super Wal-Mart & as I stepped outside into our scorching heat I headed to where I had parked the car & it was not there! I circled the area with that heavy & awkward shopping cart realizing that I was probably giving someone some great entertainment. So I decided to push the car unlock button on my key & listen for the beep. Nothing! My ice cream was already getting mushy by this time & I was so not wanting to call my husband & make him come on his motorcycle to help me find the stupid car!
After several wanderings around the hot parking lot I headed back to the shade of the store & called him. Just as I hung up I saw the car……in a whole different section! I quickly called him back as I wrestled the cart of soggy food to the car. Once the trunk was loaded & I put the key in the ignition, the car rebelled at all the button pushing I had done & began to beep & honk, loudly alarming everyone to the fact that an intruder must be trying to start it. I forgot how to make it stop! I waited for it to be quiet & when I turned the key again the alarm screamed again, so I called my amazing husband for the second time, yelling above the alarm that I did not know how to make it stop & let me get back home. He told me to push the unlock button on the key & it would stop announcing to everyone that an idiot was at the wheel. He did not say the idiot part, that’s me talking to me; we were not getting along at all at this point!
The only good part of that story is that I drove home laughing at myself. A couple years ago I would have been crying all the way home. There are some good things about being over 50, & one is that I don’t take myself as seriously as I used to. I don’t expect perfection anymore. Good thing huh?